Friday, August 7, 2009

Why must life progress so?

Dearest Diary,

I feel the weight of stress pressing down on me. It is uncontrollable, and there is nothing I can do about it except try to push it away to continue on with my life and projects.

It's all about that rush of progress that is almost knocking me over. All of a sudden they expect so much. I don't even know if I can do it. Projects. That word is filled with dread.

Research is terrible. I do not know whether it is me or just the way I am doing it that makes it so tough, but I hate it. Passionately.

I don't know why they are pushing us so. I really don't. I know that I have probably repeated this point of mine for about a hundred times already but I cannot help it.

I am sick and they give me more time to finish it. But it is so tough, so very tough. Mom expects loads, drilling me, getting exasperated. I know it is all for my own good, but... It seems like the connection between us, not just as mother and daughter, but as friends, best friends, is breaking, being torn apart by that thing called stress, frustration and projects. I know it is the best for me, but sometimes I feel so frustrated and disappointed with myself I want to fall from a thousand-story building or scream to the heavens.

I know all I can do about it is face it bravely. But I really do want to read "The Secret Circle - Book 2" And she has promised not to let me do so until my exams are over.

I know it is horrible for a simple blog to be bearing the harsh weight of all the miserable thoughts. But I feel much better.

Oh and I am sorry, but I will only write with I am really wound up or deeply saddened.

Love you loads,
ME

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